Yes, you read that right: the Golden Turd.
Indiana Jones, eat your heart out.
(There, for the first time in my journalistic career, I’ve started a piece of writing with a string of words that included “eat” and “turd.” Pulitzer, here I come!)
In what ranks up there as one of the most creative press releases I’ve received, the organization Friends of the Eastern Promenade announced this week the 20th annual April Stools Day. Handling feces has never been made so festive.
Imagine Mardi Gras or July 4th, but instead of beads or fireworks, folks rallied around stale dog doo doo. On second thought…
Anyway, for two decades, enthusiastic spring clean-up crews have fanned out to pick up the winter pooch droppings revealed by the melting of the snow. Heeding the call of Diane Davison (then Demos) in 1993, the first April Stools Day (which I’m sure will someday be immortalized in a holiday cartoon special like the first Thanksgiving) centered around the Eastern Promenade.
Since then, the event has grown. On Saturday, when the big No. 20 will be held from 9 a.m. to noon, pickup crews are scheduled to gather at Fort Sumner Park, Reiche Park and Baxter Woods in addition to the Eastern Prom.
A Scooby-Doo (emphasis on the “doo”) mascot will be on hand to delight the kids (if grabbing fistfuls of poop isn’t enough — today’s children with their portable Nintendos are hard to please).
Gloves and trash bags will be provided, and the squeamish are welcome to simply pick up trash.
And the Golden Turd?
Somewhere out there, among the standard brown and gray turds will be planted a special Golden Turd. The one who finds that special one will win a gift certificate to Portland dog supply store Fetch, which along with Friends of the Eastern Prom is a sponsor of Saturday’s event.